


The Rita Minute: Detective Rita Strikes Again!

by thewiredgalaxy



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Detective Rita, Murder, Rita Minute, Robbery, just a little, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 20:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15057623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewiredgalaxy/pseuds/thewiredgalaxy
Summary: Rita is left alone in the office again and when a potential client comes in requesting help, she is determined to help no matter what. Anyways, Juno only told her not to solve cases she receives over the phone, he said nothing about the door.





	The Rita Minute: Detective Rita Strikes Again!

“The night was cool and calm. Just how Rita liked it. The boss was out of town on another case, leaving his darling secretary in charge of the place. But tonight, she wasn’t just a secretary. No, she was Detective Rita, Private Eye! And this was no longer Juno Steel’s Detective Agency but Rita’s!” Rita was narrating to herself as she relaxed at her desk. 

She kicked her feet up onto her desk and folded her arms behind her head. A confident smirk spread across her lips and her gaze found itself on the door as three knocks sounded in quick succession. While she was very strict instructions to not take any calls, after past events, but Juno had said nothing about people coming to the door.

“Come in, door’s open!” Rita called out, moving to sit up straight at her desk. She had to look professional for her potential clients. And just as she finished adjusting her posture, the door swung open and nearly hit the wall with the amount of force of the intruder. They were tall and slim. Dressed in a fancy white tux that looked pristine and freshly pressed, balancing nicely with the dark tone of their skin.

“Where’s Juno? I need to speak to him immediately - it's very important!” They sounded in a panic, eyes wide. Their expression was frantic with their violet hair ascue. Lipstick smeared and eyeliner and mascara running down their cheeks. It was all contradicting to their clean outfit.

“I'm sorry, umm….” Rita trailed off, gesturing to the other in hopes they could give themself a name. She really hated not knowing what to call people. Names were just so much more simpler.

“Kingsley. Kingsley Jones,” they answered promptly, earning a small, slightly triumphant, smile from Rita. 

“Well, I have to apologize, Kingsley, but Mista Steel is out of the office and I don't know when he's gonna be back-” Rita started to say before she was cut off, a hand slamming down on the desk.

“I need to speak speak to Juno immediately! This is an emergency!” they repeated, glaring down at Rita.

“Mista Steel isn't here to help, but you have the next best thing! Me! Detective Rita!” she announced with a wide grin, adjusting her glasses as she stood. She grabbed her notebook and pen, which she normally used for taking messages from phone calls and doodling (but Kingsley didn't need to know that), and opened it up to a fresh page. “What seems to be the trouble, doll?” She laid into an accent that reflected those of detectives from old old tv shows from Earth, which always seemed to have situations similar to this with dames in peril storming into the office. And Rita was here to help, eyes twinkling in delight.

Kingsley looked a bit more calm at Rita’s offer of help, a small smile almost cracking their face before it fell again. “An antique painting that has been in my family for generations was stolen when someone broke into my house while I was at work today.. It's worth a fortune!”

“Don't worry, doll, Detective Rita is on the case!” Rita announced as she stood up quickly from her chair. Her grin spread ear to ear and threatened to spill off her face. A simple break in and a track down of the perps? That was all she needed to get Juno to let her become a proper detective too. Then it could be Rita and Juno's Detective Agency! “What's the painting that was stolen?”

“It's an old old Earthen piece. From the Renaissance era in Italy. It's a simple portrait of a woman smiling with her hands in her lap. Quite quaint but I love it.” Kingsley almost seemed to muse about the piece, getting a bit starry eyed about it. All while Rita became slack jawed and her eyes widened, as her glasses threatened to slip down off her nose.

“THE MONA LISA?! I THOUGHT THAT WAS DESTROYED CENTURIES AGO?” Rita shouted. She couldn't believe it. The Mona Lisa went missing nearly two centuries ago when a fire broke out at the Louvre and the painting disappeared, even tho it was behind glass. No one could find it and the case went cold. If Rita could find it, she'd be solving two cases in one. She'd then have to become Juno's boss. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. 

Rita took a moment to collect herself when she noticed the unease of Kingsley from her outburst. “Sorry bout that, doll, I just got real excited for a moment,” she said with a slight laugh. She then picked up her bag from under her desk and grabbed her notebook and pen, heading to the door, Kingsley at her heels. “Ohhh! The Mona Lisa! I can't wait to see it with my own eyes! Where do you live? It'll be best to start from there to track down the guys who stole it.”

“I live by the edge of Hyperion City's border. But my car broke down today on my way to work, so I bussed here. Do you have a car we can use?” Kingsley replied, looking down at Rita. Standing even now, Kingsley still loomed over Rita. It would've been more intimidating, had Kingsley not been such a sight.

“Yeah! Actually this is my car right here!” Rita announced, pulling out her keys and unlocking the vehicle in front of them. “Hop on in, we'll get there in no time!”

~*^*~

“And just take this right and it'll be the third house on the left,” Kingsley said as they got closer to their destination. Rita did as she was told and pulled into the driveway of Kingsley’s house. It was a bit easy to tell which it was with the smashed window in the front. 

Rita took a good look at the house as they got out of the car. It was a rather large house with a spacious, well maintained lawn and garden. A large tree sat by the edge of the property near the road. The house itself featured nice detailing on it that looked expensive. It all made it a bit clear to Rita why Kingsley was targeted, especially if it looked like they lived in the lap of luxury and had money to spare.

Kingsley led them to the door and they made their way inside. “The office is this way. There you'll find the computer that has the security feeds from the cameras. Although I can't remember the password to access the backlog of the recordings, so hopefully you can figure that out for me?”

“Oh, that's no worry, Kingsley! I can get into most systems pretty easily! And those I can't, it just takes me a lil longer, but it's no issue,” Rita said with a small wave of her hand, entering the office and taking a seat at the desk. She got to work and managed to crack the system pretty fast, turning to Kingsley after. “So what time were you out of the house that those thieves got a chance to get in here?” 

“I was out between nine to eighteen. And when I came home and saw the painting was gone I headed straight for your office,” Kingsley explained, leaning on the back of the chair and hovering beside Rita. The smell of their perfume was almost intoxicating but Rita held off the temptation of distraction for the moment. She wanted to impress Kingsley with her work, and she was busy speeding through the feed from the earlier hours. She kept her eye on the perfect camera. One that had a view of the front door but had a partial view of the window that was broken. It took a few minutes and then she saw the glass break and two individuals hop inside. 

“Oh! Oh! I found them!” Rita shrieked in delight, clapping her hands and turning to Kingsley. “Are there cameras on the outside?”

“Yes. Of course. Why?”

“Because......we can follow them outside and see how they get away and in what direction!”

Rita watched the pair leave with the Mona Lisa and once they were outside, she paused the video and looked at the other cameras with the same time stamp. She found two cameras out front that worked best for her. One by the front door showing the pair leaving the house and headed for a car parked out front. She then switched the camera to one that showed the car. It was yellow and looked a bit older, and she could just make out the license plate, scribbling it down in her notepad before turning to Kingsley. “Got em!!! We just gotta find out who those plates belong to and where that car went!”

“Excellent work, Rita.” They smiled, flashing their teeth slightly, as they moved their hand to brush Rita’s face ever so gently with their knuckles. “Now we just have to find these sons of bitches..”

Rita flushed for a moment. Kingsley was going to be the death of her. She gaped for a moment before her eyes widen in realization and she dug through her bag, pulling out her phone.

“Oh! I have a program for that right here! I had to make a bunch of my programs portable for Mista Steel and it just makes it so much easier, ya know? Now we don't gotta run back to the office to do all this.” After a few taps and entries, she displayed the phone to the other with a wide grin. “Got it right here and we can head to this old abandoned apartment building. Weird how the car is registered to that, but I don't wanna make bad comments on how some people live. Not all people can live like this. Oohhh! Do ya think that's why they stole ol’ Mona Lisa?”

Kingsley stifled a small, amused laugh and looked down at Rita as they got up and left the house, getting into Rita’s car. “Perhaps so. You can never tell what someone's motive is, until you get all the clues.”

“That sure is the truth. The boss half the time never figures out most cases until something big hits him,” Rita nodded as she typed in the destination into the GPS on her phone. “But let's get going, Mona Lisa ain't gonna rescue herself, that's for sure!”

~*^*~

“Here we are! Hyperion Apartments!” Rita announced as she turned off her car, glancing up at the building. “Yikes. This place really needs a makeover. I get it’s abandoned and all, but still. Makes the city ugly.”

“Come on, Rita, let's go,” Kingsley said, already out of the car. Their tone was snappy and they pulled out a small pistol from seemingly nowhere.

“Whatcha need that gun for? We’re just gonna ask them to give the painting back.” Rita tilted her head and looked Kingsley over with a near pout. 

“Most thieves aren't going to just hand over a priceless art piece. We have to use force,” huffed Kingsley, frowning at her. “Don't you have a gun?”

“Oh no no no! Mista Steel doesn't want me carrying one. He's ‘fraid I'm gonna hurt myself. Or him. It's nearly happened before... But I have a pocket knife though,” Rita chimed, pulling out a small folded blade from the side pocket of her purse. 

Kingsley shook their head and gave another huff. Their hand went into the inside of their jacket and pulled out another small laser pistol, handing it to Rita. “Here. You’re going to need this.” Rita took at it and looked at it shocked, eyes wide. She quickly followed after Kingsley as they headed for the entrance, sneaking inside. They were seeming silent as they moved. Opposed to Rita’s heels that clicked against the old tile floor.

Rita wasn’t quite sure where they were headed either. She felt she should’ve been leading the charge, if she were to be honest. She was the detective here after all! Not Kingsley! Even if their figure was also nice to look at from this angle. But it didn’t change the fact that Kingsley was still ahead and they were the client. Rita was supposed to keep them safe and out of danger! She quickened her pace and stepped in front of Kingley. Just in time for them to stop in front of a doorway. Noise was coming from the other side. It sounded like celebration of sorts, and it had Rita’s eyebrows raising.

“Hey, what do you think’s going on in there?” she asked Kingsley, who was readying their aim at the doorknob. 

“I’m going with that my painting is in there.” And with that, they fired and kicked the door in. Just as Rita poked her head in, Kingsley had already fired again. Two bodies now laid on the floor. Two that looked similar to the people in the security videos. Rita’s heard pounded in her chest and she looked at Kingsley.

“Wh-what?! What’d you do that for?” she cried out, dropping her gun. She watched Kingsley start to look around the apartment, ignoring her question. “Don’t get all silent on me! I didn’t sign up for shooting no one! I was planning on just talking to ‘em!”

“They stole what was rightfully mine,” was all Kingsley said as they lifted the Mona Lisa off the wall next to the kitchen doorway. “And with your help, it’s now mine.”

Rita’s brow furrowed. “...What do you mean?”

“Duh. I was supposed to steal this painting, when these two numbskulls stole my job. So I stole back what was supposed to be mine,” Kingsley explained as they looked over the painting. “And thankfully, I didn’t get any blood on it.”

“You! You thief! You are so under arrest! And not just for theft, but for murder too!” Rita proclaimed, pulling out her pocket knife and pointing it at Kingsley, who just laughed in response. “Don’t you laugh at me! I’m dead serious! I’ve watched enough crime shows to know how to hurt you real bad with this!”

“Then you do know that my gun will kill you a whole lot faster then? I can kill you before you move two feet,” Kingsley snarled as they cocked their gun at Rita with their free hand. And she froze on the spot, nearly dropping her knife. “So I suggest you don’t say anything to anyone and just forget this whole ordeal happened, or I’ll kill you where you stand.”

“I bet I can take you down first,” soon came a deep voice from behind Rita, spooking her enough to drop her knife. It clattered to the floor and she looked behind her. A wide smile grabbed her face when she recognized who was behind her.

“Mista Steel!” she exclaimed, near tearing up in joy.

“Rita, I suggest you stand behind me. Now,” he demanded, sparing her a glance before he locked eyes with Kingsley. Rita moved swiftly and hid behind him, peeking out to watch Kingsley. They continued to stand their ground, properly cocking their gun.

“Juno Steel,” they started, elongating his last name. “You just had to ruin things, didn’t you?”

“Well, if you hadn’t decided to steal a priceless painting from the only family close enough to comparing to the Kanagawas in wealth, then, maybe, I wouldn’t be here.” Juno was calm and collected, with a sly smile pulling at the corners of his lips as he watched Kingsley squirm at the fact they were caught. “Now, I request you put that painting down. We don’t need it getting messy.”

“You’re going to have to pry it from my cold, dead hands, Juno,” Kingsley hissed. “If I can’t have it, then I don’t mind if I ruin it.”

“But you can’t do that!” Rita piped up from her hiding spot behind Juno, just as Kingsley fired at them. Juno dodged, shielding Rita as he did, before he returned the shot. He hit Kingsley in the shoulder, making them drop the painting as they grabbed it. Without thinking, Rita ran in and grabbed the painting as Juno handcuffed Kingsley. He led them outside and called HCPD to come down to deal with their victims, with Rita tailing behind with the Mona Lisa in hand. 

~*^*~

Rita felt like she had a tail between her legs. She felt like she had failed. She was duped into helping a thief nearly steal the Mona Lisa. She nearly got herself killed. If Juno hadn’t come… She didn’t want to think about that. She sat glumly at her desk, laying her head on her folded arm and watching the stream on her computer’s monitor. She wasn’t really sure what the program was about, she was too lost in her thoughts of her failed case. She only lifted her head up when she heard Juno leave his office.

“So, Rita....” he had begun before he was promptly cut off.

“I am so so so sorry Mista Steel! I thought I was doing the right thing when Kingsley came in here in a tizzy and I thought the case was legit and that if I helped and solved it myself that I could be a detective like you and that-” Rita too was cut off after Juno’s multiple attempts of saying her name. 

“Rita, while what you did was reckless, and a little stupid I may add, you did find the Mona Lisa on your own. And that’s a claim all to yourself,” Juno told her, a small smile on the corner's of his lips as he leaned her desk.

Rita smiled widely, sitting up a bit straighter. “Does that mean I can start going out in the field and solving my own cases like you? Have my own detective agency?”

“I’m going to say no. You’re good just the way you are, Rita, and you already are a bit of a detective yourself. You’re just more my partner of sorts,” Juno said, giving her a small pat on the shoulder. And she seemed to light up even more.

“Does that mean we can change the name of the place to Rita and Juno Steel’s Detective Agency?” she exclaimed, clasping her hands together.

“Again, no. But I trust your work Rita, and I wouldn’t be here without you and this place wouldn’t be as much of a success without you,” Juno assured her as he stood, heading for the door. “I have to go finish another case, but you can lock up and head home for the night. You’ve had a busy day and I think you deserve some R and R before tomorrow. I’ll see you later.” And with that, the door closed behind him.

Rita sat there smiling for a bit. It really meant a lot to hear that. And as she gathered her things, she couldn’t not think about what Juno had said. She guessed she already was somewhat a detective then. While her name may not be on the business cards (although she could change that) or on the sign out front, it still made her feel good that she made an important impact on the cases. At least she was a detective in some way.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this fic, follow me on Twitter and Tumblr @ thewiredgalaxy


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